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Signs of Healthy Boundaries:

1. Appropriate trust.

2. Revealing a little of yourself at a time. Then checking to see how others
respond to your sharing!

3. Moving slowly step by step towards intimacy.

4. Putting a new acquaintance on hold while checking their creditability
and your
compatibility with them.

5. Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you.

6. Staying focused on your own growth and recovery.

7. Weighing up the consequence before acting on sexual impulse.

8. Being sexual when you want to be sexual - concentrating largely
on your own pleasure rather than monitoring reactions of a partner.

9. Noticing it when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

10. Noticing it when someone invades your boundaries, saying no to food, gifts, touch, sex that you do not want.

11. You ask permission before touching others.

12. Respect for others, never taking advantage of other's generosity.

13. Self-respect, not giving too much in hope that someone will like you.

14. Not allowing anyone to take advantage of you, or your generosity.

15. Trusting your own decisions over the influence of others.

16. Defining your truth, as you view it.

17. Knowing who you are and what you want.

18. Recognizing that others are not mind-readers.

19. Clearly communicating your wants and needs, and realizing that you may be turned down, but knowing that you do have
the right to ask and your views be heard.

20. Have learned to respect yourself and how to protect yourself from the poor boundaries of others.  

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries;

1. Trusting no one - trusting anyone – all or nothing - black and white thinking.

2. Telling all.

3. Talking at intimate level on first meeting.

4. Falling in love with new acquaintances.

5. Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.

6. Being overwhelmed by a person — preoccupied.

7. Acting on first sexual impulse.

8. Being sexual for partner, not self.

9. Going against personal values or rights to please others.

10. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

11. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

12. Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want.

13. Touching others without asking permission.

14. Taking as much as you can get for sake of getting.

15. Giving as much as you can give for sake of giving.

16. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

17. Letting others direct your life.

18. Letting others describe your reality for you.

19. Letting others define you.

20. Believing that others can anticipate your needs.

21. Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.

22. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

All of us require boundaries in order to feel secure. However, most of us will fight, bite and kick saying that we can manage
with boundaries because we are well enough to self-monitor our own behavior. This however, is our biggest mistake because
none of us know our-self well enough to truly be honest. Therefore, we must ask our spirit-self to reveal that which is
unknown to our physical-self.  

While working in the field of recovery it was normal for a newcomer to make the claim, "I knew deep inside that I had let my
life get out of control, but I was just waiting for someone to love me enough to just say, No!" Does our Creator sometimes
wear a cops uniform?  

Many of us were
not taught healthy boundaries within our family environments, and our classrooms were often so chaotic, or
such a hodgepodge of different personality type that it made it difficult, if not impossible, to allow for a clear sense of where
the lines have been drawn.

Many of us are so powerfully hurt within that we become like vipers waiting to launch a painful assault on others.
Unfortunately, boundaries have become a necessary evil in the societies of today because many of us have been taught
ideals that conflict with others choice of life style causing these to cut into others with little, if any remorse for their feelings. If
their choices do not infringe upon our free-will right to make our own choices, then allow them to make their own choices.

There is positivity waiting for us all. However, it has been left up to each individual to wade through all of the dogmatic
clutter and negativity in order to find it.


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